


The madness & sweetness of dreams & realities

by veronikaphoenix



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky, Wakanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 07:23:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13185159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronikaphoenix/pseuds/veronikaphoenix
Summary: Remembering the day Bucky was supposed to come back to me after months spent in cryogenic storage, the pain and the battles fought before I could finally feel at home again.





	The madness & sweetness of dreams & realities

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovely people! Here I am again. This is based on a dream I had two nights ago, in which I was desperately looking for Bucky in Wakanda. It feel too real and the words seemed to flow easily when I decided to write everything down. Just a reminder that english is not my first language and I still think I suck at it, but I'm slowly getting better, I guess... So I apologize for any mistakes and sentences that might not make much sense, and I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed dreaming of Bucky (regardless of the anxiety I felt throughout the night) and writing this. You can let me know if there's any mistake that really needs to be fixed. Thank you :)
> 
> Veronika.

Something bad was going to happen, everyone was getting ready for the war.

I remember that day; I had been waiting for it for months, too many months. It was the day Bucky was supposed to come back to me, the day he was finally going to be okay, the day when he no longer had to fear anyone controlling his mind, when he no longer had to be scared of himself.

They found a way to heal him up in Wakanda, where he was kept safe, away from everyone’s sight. There had not been a single day that I hadn’t kept an eye on the process, the progress, the good and the bad news, the highs and the lows, particularly mine’s, when I couldn’t bear the pain in my chest from missing him to much, from being, once again, scared to death of losing someone I loved after hours of remembering the good times spent in Romania, hiding from the world, the danger and the past, trying to get pieces of our lives back together, making efforts to trust each other without hesitation, letting love be the best in ourselves.

When we were in that old dirty apartment we find a way to reach the happiness we all deserve. We sat on the sofa late at night after a light dinner and talked for hours, I listened to him when he closed his eyes, head on my lap, my fingers stroking his hair, recalling moments of his life when Steve was just a boy from Brooklyn and his best friends. He didn’t know it yet, but he had so much hope inside of him, and that’s one of the things that made me fall in love with him. He gave some of that hope to me when I thought everything was lost.

Now, while he was in his temporary sleep, I had no one to give me hope. Many people tried, but no one could affect me the way he did. When I was a mess, crying on the floor, T’Challa had to pick me up and take me to my room where he would talk all the good things he had in his hands for minutes and minutes until I had reassurance back again that Bucky was going to be back soon. It was a process that he was forced to repeat so many times. Last time, he reminded me that Bucky still had hope, that’s why he was in cryogenic storage, and that I shouldn’t let go of that hope either. Sometimes it was just so difficult…

That’s why I felt this anxiety building up inside of me and the panic starting to eat me alive when _that day_ , when I was waiting for them to let me see him, T’Challa informed me that Bucky had disappeared. He was alive, sane, back to his old self, and somewhere in the compound in Wakanda, but he had run off from the lab after waking up from the surgery; he was confused, out of place, needed something familiar to remember what happened last time he had his eyes open. T’Challa was talking to me but I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. My mind had gone somewhere else. I should had been there.

_Bucky, Bucky, Bucky._

I started shouting, moving my hands nervously, neglecting myself from everything he was saying. He said something about following him to the meeting room where he would let everyone know what was going on, but I didn’t think there was time for that. A war was coming, no one had time to look for Bucky. There was a nation to protect, millions of people. But I myself wasn’t ready to fight any war without him by my side.

I ran off, like he did, because I was scared, as he was, but I was on my way to find him.

I remember going up and down the compound, I went right and left and from corner to corner. I couldn't find him anywhere. The suffocation and the pain were real and raw, my skin covered in sweat, my throat hurting from screaming his name. Everyone was looking at me as if I had lost my mind. Wasn’t I aware that I needed to get ready for a battle? The pressure was added to the anxiety bulking up.

I met Steve on my way somewhere, I was lost by that time, and he held me by the shoulders, but I pushed him, and I shouted at him that he should be looking for Bucky as I was, he didn’t know what was about to happen, he needed someone to let him know that he was home and safe, but there was a war about to start on the grounds of Wakanda. He needed to be prepared, he needed us, he needed me.

“He’ll be fine” Steve assured me. “He’s a soldier, remember?” No, he was my Bucky.

He’ll find his way and he’ll stay alive, Steve promised me.

I wanted to believe him, but I remembered that one night when we were lying on that uncomfortable mattress, my head on Bucky’s chest as he let out all the emotions, the suffering and the torturous memories that flooded him every time after they had controlled his mind for hours, days, weeks, and how ready he felt to take his own life during those crucial minutes.

I ran, and I ran, and I ran… Until I heard a loud _boom_ and I was thrown against trees and rocks; other heavy stuff falling on top of me, covering me in cuts and blood, the dust in the air making it hard for me to breathe, pieces of glass making their way deep inside my flesh. Screams made my ears collapse.

 

***

 

“You need to focus. Look at me, focus.”

“I’m trying!” I shouted at T’Challa, finding support in his arm to stay on my feet. My suit was ripped off in the knee area, holes in the arms, stomach and back, and cuts in the upper area of my chest and shoulders, revealing bloody skin. I took a good beating before T’Challa came to the rescue and freed me from a beast that I had never seen before in my life. My whole body was in pain, blocking the aching in my heart. Bucky was still in my head, but I found myself trapped in a cage and now my only choice was to put my skills to good use and fight.  

“Try harder” he ordered, and directed his dark gaze to the jungle in front of us, waiting to swallow us.

The dizziness in my head was still there, my hair a disastrous mess, falling all over my dirty face.

I felt Steve behind me, Nat and Sam not very far behind. I had no idea where the rest of the team was.

“They’ve got us surrounded” he said “but back up should be here in a minute.”

“We don’t have a minute.” Replied T’Challa, throwing himself against the four legged monster appearing from behind the bushes and the trees.

It was chaos on Earth, and I screamed, and I fought and bleed, and I felt every splinter digging deep into my skin, every ounce of pain that I was put through making its way into my veins.  

In a jungle like that, it didn’t take me long to separate myself from the group and find myself lost in an odyssey of savagery. The past two weeks avoiding training were taking their toll, but not even a lifetime of exercise and sweat spilled in a gym would have prepared my body for the hit I received in my ribs and that threw me against something solid and rocky that I was sure wasn’t going to let me get back on my feet ever again.

I wasn’t going to give up but the pain was suffocating me. I tasted blood in my mouth, and I only wanted one thing in that very moment. I tried to call out for help, communicate with Steve or Sam to let them know that I was in critical situation, but I felt myself starting to pass out and I damned myself for it. I couldn’t fight anymore, not even the arms sliding under my body and lifting me up from the ground. I heard it coming second earlier; loud noises, banging, animals roaring, screams of pain when fresh flesh crashed against metal. I could’ve died right there just from internal hysteria.

The cold metal fingers grazing the now visible skin on my right leg sent a horrible feeling through my body. Someone was carrying me among dead beasts and heroes. A bunch of misplaced and crazy thoughts filled my head. I was not in my senses, but my eyes shot open, an involuntary reaction that I was not in control of; greyish blue eyes watching me fiercely for a short instant.  

I came back to reality.

“…Bucky?”

“I’m taking you home.”

My soldier was back. We both had been saved.

***

Of course the war didn’t end the very moment Bucky took me out of there, my head hiding in his chest, my arms weakly wrapped around his neck, tears falling down my cheeks stinging the damaged areas on my face. But it’s been a month now and I’m laying in a cozy bed I have shared with Bucky for the past weeks and where I have been resting and recovering from my injuries, mostly from my badly damaged ribs. I dreamt about that day last night, and I woke up in the morning looking for Bucky, desperate fingers reaching for the male figure on the other side of the mattress only to find him missing.

“Bucky!” my soul screamed.

The bathroom door opened and he quickly moved to the bed and kneeled in front of me, asking what was wrong, concern all over his features. I wrapped him in a safe hug and didn’t let go until I fell back asleep in his arms.

When I opened my eyes again it was nearly lunch time and my body knew, because I skipped breakfast and now I was starving. Bucky got me some fruit and biscuits from the kitchen around 7am but I just wanted to cuddle and sleep and refused to eat anything, earning a not very satisfied look from him. He was not in bed, again. He hadn’t been sleeping much since he came back. He said it was just because he wanted to keep an eye on me but I was pretty sure there was something else. I just didn’t want to push him to talk about it yet.

I sat up and tried to get up from the bed on my own, and as soon as I did, he was there, looking at me as if I had stepped on floor of needles.

“Hey, hey, where do you think you’re going?” my hands gripped his open arms and let him take some of my weight, but I kept trying to get near the windows as much as possible.

“I’m fine, Bucky.”

“You shouldn’t be doing that on your own, not yet.”

“What? Getting up from the bed?”

“Yes”.

“I’ve done it plenty of times to go to the bathroom when you were sleeping.”

“What?”

“Yes, don’t feel too bad with yourself. I know you tried to stay awake for as long as possible.”

“Baby, I just wanna make sure that you’re healing up just fine.”

“And I am, the doctor cleared me up for most activities last week, Buck. I’m tired of being in bed nearly all day. I feel like a marshmallow. I need to start training again.”

“Definitely not today and not tomorrow. It still pains when you walk, I know you try to play tough cookie, but I can read you like an open book, baby. Those faces you make, when you furrow your brows and wrinkle your nose… You can’t lie to me. I’m back and I’m here to take care of you. And yeah, you might look like a marshmallow…” he said looking me up and down “but that just makes my appetite grow.”

“Bucky!” I scolded him by pushing him and quickly finding my place again in his arms.

“Come on” I thought he would force me to sit back down on the mattress again but instead he made me turn to face him with my back, and he carefully tried lifting me up from the hips to take me close to the huge windows in front of the bed. From there we could see Wakanda from every angle and corner. We had one the best spots in the compound. The world underneath us was a truly beautiful sight.

“You make me feel like I’m flying when you carry me like that.” I told him looking over my shoulder and meeting his soft smile. He gently wrapped his strong arms around my stomach and rested his chin on my shoulder.

In his silence, I could sense his worry.

“I’ll be fine, Bucky” I assured him.

I already was. I was fine the moment I saw his eyes in that chaos.  

“We’ll be fine. We’re together again.”

“I don’t plan on leaving you again, I just wanted to tell you that.” He confessed softly. “I know now that you’ll always be safe with me. I’m not scared of myself anymore.”

In that moment, I wasn’t sure if the city in front of my eyes was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

“I was never scared of you, and I always had faith in us. I waited for you as I promised, didn’t I?”

“You did, baby” he kissed my temple. “and I’m forever thankful for that.”

I laid the back of my head against his chest, closed my eyes and felt free from that fear and that desperation that had me sinking into a black hole with no end a month earlier. I tightened his arms around me. I never wanted his scent to go away again, to miss the feeling of his strong arms holding me at night, the way his stubble would tickle me when he tried to kiss me playfully in the mornings, those late night runs we used to go on in the city streets, the hours spent together looking at the sky talking about nonsense stuff, the security he made me feel when he held my hand, the way he made my heart beat… I never wanted him to let go again.

 Now I was finally back home; he was home.


End file.
